Hello. Welcome to the “Unfolding” community..it is a pleasure to share energy with you here!
Moments of Grace: the freedom of opening my heart to love fully in this very moment..
exactly as I am, exactly where I am,
sharing genuinely with you.
We sat around a table in the break room at work (the hospital). He (let’s call him *L*) commented that he is not sympathetic when it comes to someone in pain. *L* prefers to say suck it up and forge through it. I know he is kind and generous in life, so I shared with him that may be his perception (not sympathetic to pain), but his actions show he has a big heart.
A few hours later, I was overcome with severe pain and bleeding so I went to ER for a battery of tests. As an energy healer, for me to be in ER willingly shows how much physical pain I was in; yet it was the emotional pain of being “alone” that scared me most. *L* walked with me to ER, sat with me as I was admitted, then kept checking on my progress throughout the afternoon..any time my eyes would fill with tears, *L* would miraculously pop into the room with a smile.
We decided to set our alarms to wake in the morning. His (let’s call him *l*) alarm could be described as death metal–screaming voice belting out lyrics of despair, screeching guitar, loud drum beat. My alarm could be described as a melodious mix of butterflies and glitter–a delicate chime to gently wake me to the day. I smiled as I told *l* we really are quite different you know. And *l* looked at me with a confused expression as he said: I don’t see that at all, I think we are very much the same.
He (let’s call him *L*) and I were walking the beach together. We spoke as we walked–of surface details about our day, as well as of deep insights we were reflecting upon. We enjoyed long stretches of comfortable silence. We would point out to each other something of delight–a bird gliding above the ocean’s surface, the sunshine glistening through the leaves of a huge tree. We sat propped against rocks, looking at the ocean, closing our eyes to ponder and to rest. Sometimes *L* would take my hand, holding it gently as we walked. I could feel our combined energy as we held hands..empowering.
I am a fabulous cook. I gather the freshest ingredients possible. I open the hatches to the boat to allow fresh air to flow. I light a candle. I put on my favorite music of the moment, or I allow for silence and I hum. I bring to my heart the person I am cooking for and allow gratitude and love to overflow. And, then I prepare the food.
My intent for cooking is not just to serve you food, but to serve a dish that will delight your senses, that will allow joy to fill your being and bring you peace, and will be as spirit nourishing as it is physically nourishing. The reward for this process is to observe that joy, that peace, that delight being felt.
When I cook for you, I usually will not ask you what you wish for me to prepare, because your intent is to eat something delicious and you often do not know exactly what that something is. Our combined overall wish is to experience ease and pleasure; to honor that, I remove the expectation we both feel once a label is applied, by removing the label. Now, I may experience the freedom of choosing to prepare food with ingredients that speak to me at the time (depending upon season, weather, your energy level) so that you may experience the freedom of immense pleasure with what is presented.
When I cook for you, I do not label a dish. I will not say: today we are having pasta primavera. I will present you with lightly steamed fresh vegetables simmered in a garlic sauce served over pasta al dente with a sprinkle of freshly grated parmesan cheese.
We tend to want to label love. Perhaps we think that applying a label allows us to understand it, or control it, or even know what to expect if we invest in it. As you read the above reflections, are you able to tell which man is my boyfriend, my best friend, or my gay friend? Would you read the above and say one loves me more or less than another?
Yet this is what we do to love: label it. Then, we invest our energy trying to conform to these labels of love..to fit inside this box of “friend”, “girl friend” ( “mother”, “sister”, “healer”) even as our energy expands beyond this box. We worry about releasing a label, wonder how to embrace a new label. Instead of cherishing the ability to share, we feel bound by obligation; then we struggle to fulfill this obligation. We tend to berate our self when we feel we fall short of an expectation, exhaust our self trying to live up to an expectation, and reward our self when we think we finally have it “right”.
I did spend the day in ER..and I am still under medical care undergoing more tests to determine the cause of my internal pain and bleeding. In this moment, there are many what if’s, many guesses, many potential labels. We may project all day long, but the Truth is that I can only tell you what I do have: a body that is free of tumors that is very happy to be in this day and live it fully. Just as in love: I may label and what if–guess and project– all day long..but the Truth is I can only tell you what I do have: a heart that is open to love and will share it joyfully.
I don’t understand why it is necessary to label love. A label is mind based, and love is of the heart. I open my heart to create with love, and love magnifies. Simple. Kind of mirrors how I choose to cook. If I tell you I am making pasta primavera, your mind creates an expectation based upon your past experience with pasta primavera. You automatically think the dish must include this specific ingredient and are thrilled if it is there, and disappointed if it is not. When you hear the label of pasta primavera your mind quickly makes a judgment based upon pon what you know of the label (yum, delicious!, eww, I don’t like that..). However, if I present you with a dish I have lovingly prepared, with the freshest ingredients possible, your entire being relishes the experience and gratitude pours forth. You don’t know what to expect for dinner, but you know it *will* delight your senses and each time I ask you to share dinner with me, you look forward to the experience.
Just as in love. If I say I am your friend that is one sort of expectation; yet, if I say I am your girlfriend all sorts of past judgments rush in (fears, expectations, and beautiful moments). Your mind already has an outline of what to expect–an outline which doesn’t fit *me* at all because it’s from your past. If I release the label, and I say I love you: the Truth is that you know I will serve you delicious, Being and Sensory delightful love every day with pleasure, just as I prepare dinner. You won’t know what to expect, but you will know it will be pleasing and perhaps even look forward to the experience. You will no longer be afraid of love, based upon a fear of meeting an expectation, you will be excited to open your heart to share love with what is presented in this moment.
I thought about all of this as I was in ER. How sometimes we allow all that we do not know (a label) to guide our creations, when it is what we do know that allows us to forget we are stepping and just enjoy the experience. When I sat in ER feeling fear based about the amount of time I may have “left”..there is one lesson that I hoped was clear to all whom I share with:
Love doesn’t hurt, love heals..and love doesn’t bind, love frees…and love doesn’t restrict, it magnifies. We want to label it in the hopes that we will understand it, or control it so that it “goes our way”, or open only so far so that it will only “hurt so much” when it ends..tell me this, how does love end? Really, is there an end to love?
Love is energy, an infinite source of flow..if there is an “end” to flow, it is because we choose to put up barriers, we open our heart to love, or we don’t… that simple
May we consider releasing the labels we apply to love and instead *be love* so that we may experience an abundance of “moments of grace”.