Loosen Your Heart Reins
Hello. Welcome to the “Unfolding” community..it is a pleasure to share energy with you here!
There comes a moment in life when you may choose
to loosen your heart reins
and allow the magic of the moment to guide you…
At the end of the day–far after my evening walk with the children and Magic pup–I was absolutely thrilled to look up to the night sky and see stars! Not just a few stars here and there..but a night sky full of numerous stars..a sky so clear I could pick out entire constellations. The last several days had been uncharacteristically gray: chilly air temperature, moisture everywhere, heavy clouds obscuring the beauty of the sky (day and night!). So, as a child of the Moon–comforted and energized by moonbeams and starlight–on this night, the sight of stars opened my heart to exuberance!
When my heart leaps, my being wants to join in the celebration..one of the best expressions of movement for me is to run. Even though the children and pup were winding down and ready for bed, I went to the boat and laced up my running shoes, joyfully..a pleasure. In the darkness of night, I ran: through the local park in which I’ve shared summertime picnics with friends while listening to live local bands (thank you for the trees, the friends, the music, the food, the connection, the abundance!). I ran on a path winding through the abandoned hotel and courtyard–a place dear to my heart (thank you for Wind and pup and my children..thank you for my special friend who sat under this tree, thank you for the ability to laugh play create!). I ran past the place where I can see the opening of the harbor (thank you for sunsets, the ocean, the birds, thank you for sailing and racing and for the dream of living on my own boat!). I ran down the sidewalk, over the bridge to the other side of the harbor (thank you for the glorious beauty, the ability to run, the strength, confidence, joy, peace, love, in my life!)…
As I ran, fully covered by darkness, I breathed it all in..all of the moments of connection…all of the beauty…and I looked to the stars and said thank you! from my heart..thank you!
I ran the path around the harbor..full of love and gratitude..good form, strong legs, even breath..thinking of the marathon I had just registered for and how each step is one step closer..and how I am only able to run this marathon because each previous step has connected to this one.
Then I cramped. Not just a normal cramp, but the one I felt (was it three years ago??!! that cramp that started as I ran, then I would hemorrhage..until Cancer was diagnosed and finally lived through)..a cramp so full of pain I had to stop to breathe..I wanted to throw up..tears streaming down my face..I sent up a prayer, please let my friend who sometimes drives down this way, drive by so that I may get a ride home..*please*…mixed with God, Universe, Mother Nature, please no…please please no, not *that* cramp…
I sent this to the stars: I will do this again if I have to, I will open my heart fully..just let everyone know that they are loved..may they feel peace..and love…always.
And I began to stand…slowly…very slowly..through the pain of my cramp, I stood. Then, through the tears filling my eyes, I looked to the stars to guide me home.
I lightly jogged a few steps..looking to the stars..thinking of all that filled my heart with gratitude the first part of this run and also the last three years since I’ve not only “survived” past the date I was told I would, but *thrived*..my life truly is as magical as I allow it to be!!! Tentative steps until my cramp passed and my stride was again strong and confident..back over the bridge..
And now this last stretch was one of gratitude to my friend..that friend..the one who just a short while ago patiently ran a few steps with me on this stretch, then we separated, and then he patiently waited for me again (story of our entire journey really!). I couldn’t help but think how even one year ago, I wouldn’t have chosen to invest in this connection because I would have been too afraid of something so unique, so real, so magical..yet here I am with each step feeling gratitude for how my heart has opened through sharing. I loosened my heart reins, through fear and resistance…to experience the most life enriching, magnificent magic.. spanning all realms..which guides me to *now*..thank you, thank you! These last steps were to celebrate the freedom found within transparency and intimacy and friendship…genuine heart connections..enlivening!
After cooling down and winding down…I went to sleep.
My son woke in the wee hours of the morning..which woke me..
I was bleeding…profusely..just like three years ago…(here is the Truth..it is new, so I do not have details, and I have received medical attention and it is part of the story, but *that* is not why I am sharing this story…let’s release worry, and embrace love).
This is why I share my story: I’m going to share this with you first person…
Three years ago, I was in such pain, my physical movement was severely limited…as a person who expresses myself best through play in nature (or anywhere!) physical limitations were stifling my spirit as well as my body. In the last year, it has been a joy to be completely mobile and resume all of the activities that move my body, my mind, my spirit!
Somehow, though, I seem to have begun to take that mobility (that was so precious and sacred especially because it had been limited) for granted..to have allowed the busyness of daily life to distract from the richness found in silence; worse, to have allowed areas in my life to stagnate because I resisted movement.
I forgot what it felt like to be told my time on Earth would be limited by a medical condition. I forgot what it felt like to treasure this very moment, because it truly was all I had. To be absolutely genuine in my connections, to celebrate and appreciate them as I experienced them and to be bold with my compliments and gratitude. To drop barriers and fear and doubt to open my heart fully, because this moment was *it* so I had best live it fully, love fully, color my world boldly, rest when my body asked me to, explore when my heart asked me to, create because I can. I forgot what it was like to make “mistakes”, to step forward, to leap, to fall..then to get back up again…because somewhere in there I stopped trying and decided leaping was dangerous, and I developed a fear of falling (especially in love!). I forgot what it was like to drum just because I had a beat to share, to dance because there was music, to kiss because my lover was right there with delicious on his lips. I forgot what it was like to release obligation and allow service to be a pleasure, to release “should” because in all honesty I probably do best when I “shouldn’t”. I forgot what it was like to be daring enough to raise my children on my own on a boat because it was my dream and I wanted them to realize their own dreams just as readily as I did. I forgot what it was like to wear my bikini because my skin loves the warmth of the sunshine, to wear a mini skirt and boots because I love celebrating my outer beauty in such an outfit, to skinny dip off the bow of the boat in the ocean because it is refreshing, to belly dance because it is sensual. I think of all of the sunsets I did not see because it was “just one more and I was too busy”…all of the hugs I did not give because I was multi-tasking…all of the stories I did not hear because I was not present.
But, I woke up bleeding profusely..and now I remember.
With a heart full of love and gratitude..I absolutely remember..
This is the moment I have..this *now*..so I may choose to hold tightly to my heart reins, or to loosen them and allow my heart opening to awaken adventure, passion, peace, love, joy…
I choose to loosen those reins..throw them overboard..celebrate life and all in it!
After writing this piece, I read David Cain’s article: You and Your Friends are all Going to Die and That\’s Beautiful. An amazing feeling to be in sync with David..and a brilliant ., “must read” article!
Thank you for sharing this experience with me. You are loved…fully…may you celebrate that love with all that you create.
Much peace and abundant love,