How to Heal a Heart Wound

Hello. Welcome to the “Unfolding” is a pleasure to share energy with you here!

“Human nature is a curious and often paradoxical thing.  

We often act with compassion toward others who are suffering but never consider doing the same for ourselves.”

— Bindu Wiles \”Turn Your Attention to the Arrow in Your Heart\”

Before we explore the concept of suffering and heart wounds, I would like to share with you my personal belief about love.  I believe that the level of love in my life directly reflects my willingness and ability to open my heart. When I choose to open my heart to love, I receive love; any suffering that ensues is a direct result of my choice to close my heart in that moment.  The quality of love in my life directly reflects my choice to invest my energy into genuine, nurturing, transparent heart connections.  I also believe that when I choose to love deeply, my life is deeply enriched; love is such a joy, a pleasure, a delight that I open my heart daily through fear and doubt to a world full of magic and the reality of infinite possibility

There is a “story” within mainstream society that goes something along the lines of: if you love, you will be hurt *and* if you choose to love deeply, you will be hurt deeply.  We are told that suffering is a by-product of love; no wonder we suffer, no wonder we tend to run from or push away the very love that we seek. When we do open our hearts to love, along with love we expect suffering and we tend to get: suffering.  Many every day conversations center around our latest heart ache: criticism of the opposite gender, complaints about a loved one and how they’ve wronged us this day, how we’ve been hurt by so and so’s actions.  We focus on suffering and suffering becomes the norm. 

I suggest that we open to allowing positive energy and love to transform that norm to nonexistent, but for we look around the world we agree that there are heart wounds; just as there is love in life, there is also pain.  The methods of dealing with these heart wounds vary greatly; some acknowledge and heal pain while many ignore, bury, or deny it and many others try to avoid it by limiting the number or depth of their connections. 

If we agree that there is pain, may we agree that the level we feel that pain directly impacts the quality of our life.  To improve that quality, we would need to lessen the pain.  The “problem” is that often our immediate reaction upon feeling pain tends to be to blame.  We would like to blame external to release our own accountability, so someone in pain may quickly locate a perpetrator and rail against them, in words, actions, thoughts..*or* we quickly blame and berate our self..all of which produces internal negativity, which then: adds to the level of pain.  By looking to blame, we inadvertently raise our level of pain.  Bindu’s article resonates strongly with me because she reflects upon this cycle as well as the importance of being kind and gentle to your self as you allow for heart healing; she urges us to be as compassionate and caring with our self as we would with another, and shares some tools of guidance. 

Which then leads us to the acknowledgement and acceptance of heart healing.  In general, society tends to look at a physical ailment as needing “fixing”–it is accepted to take time from your daily life to go to the doctor’s office to receive treatment for a physical ailment. If that ailment requires a longer healing process, it is accepted to treat that body part gingerly as it heals as well as to take time to rest if necessary.  A heart wound is treated much differently within society; when your heart hurts you are told to persevere and push through; taking time to heal is a relatively new practice.  However, your heart is your inner core which directly affects your ability to move through life, as well as the quality of life that you live.  When we ignore these heart wounds we do a disservice to ourselves; as with any wound, if left open, it festers then develops a thick scar tissue which often becomes numb to Feeling.  Many people leave their heart wounds untended with dire consequences; untreated heart wounds often curtail our ability to connect with others beyond surface level and manifest  to physical symptoms which restrict our ability to experience life.

In my personal life, in the past I would have two reactions to heart pain: blame myself for opening my heart and withdraw immediately.  There are many people who react in the same way. As one might imagine, this coping mechanism is not conducive to healing; to remove myself from the moment is to temporarily remove myself from flow…to be anything but loving and kind to my self is to prevent healing completely. As an energy healer, I know to pour energy into a wound; it is obvious to me that connecting to flow and community increases the power and intensity of the energy which would then quickly reduce the pain.  Once the pain subsides, we may focus on healing the wound.  So, currently in my life as I embrace new and different, I am releasing my old pattern of self blame and withdrawal; instead of removing myself, I am choosing to connect through my vulnerability to the strength and power of community, of flow.   

There are many teachings that advise one to lean into pain instead of avoiding, burying, or running from it.  Being fearful of embracing pain, I initially resisted these teachings.  When I released fear,  I quickly found that leaning into the pain ultimately means breaking the pattern of suffering by embracing the lesson; thus empowering me to create new and different.  In learning to lean into the pain, I am acknowledging my very core, gently removing the arrow and applying all that is necessary so that this wound will heal; as I learn to lean into the discomfort, I find I am not leaning into the external (which is blameless), I am leaning into love, self-love.

This practice of leaning into self-love was at first very foreign to me.  I was raised in a religion that advocated an other centered life of service as well as sacrificing my own comfort for the comfort of others.  However, I learned at a young age that the quality of service I give to others as well as my ability to love others directly correlates with the quality of service and love I give to my self.  When I am healthy and whole, all that I share with others is from an overflowing well of life enriching and, because what I share comes from this abundance, sharing is not a chore or a burden, it is a joy. 

Once again we find that the answer is love.  Quite simply, how does one heal a heart wound?  Pour love into it. 

Thank you for exploring this topic with me.  May you continue to choose  *love* as the Answer…allowing World to delight your senses and expand your perspective past “safe and comfortable” into your very core where ultimate freedom exists and its name is peace. 

Much peace and abundant love,




  1. #1 by Rand on September 19, 2011 - 6:08 pm

    “However, I learned at a young age that the quality of service I give to others as well as my ability to love others directly correlates with the quality of service and love I give to my self. When I am healthy and whole, all that I share with others is from an overflowing well of life enriching and, because what I share comes from this abundance, sharing is not a chore or a burden, it is a joy.”

    I want to *freely* say…

    It is a joy to love you!

    • #2 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on September 19, 2011 - 6:28 pm

      Thank you for your enthusiasm…love in general is a *joy*…:)
      May you treat your self as “lovely” as you treat others, and may you receive abundant love into your offline life as *freely* as you give it online 🙂

  2. #3 by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord on September 22, 2011 - 1:08 am

    That’s really beautiful, Joy. Along with what you’ve taught me in this post, I’m also learning that love rises above ego (which tends to hold onto hurt), and does whatever is loving anyway. So when I feel hurt at the hand of another, as you’ve so brilliantly described here, rather than retaliate, keep score, retreat or otherwise pour more hurt into my wound, I can rise up (thank you, Diane Birch!) and forge ahead in LOVE.

    As an example, I have a friend with whom I used to feel very close, but for the past six months or so, our relationship has been distant and strained. I feel as though this friend only connects with me when she needs something (other than friendship). My wounded self, therefore, wants to run from her or, if I’m not running, wants to keep score of who’s done more for whom. She invited me to connect face-to-face this Friday at her house. My wounded self immediately thought, “Of course it’s at HER house. Like I don’t have enough going on that I have to make time to go to HER, rather than her coming to me… I should let her know that bugs me and ask her to come to my house.” Then I realized I was being petty (ego at work), and those score-keeping thoughts only hurt me more.

    Hearts only know to love.
    And that’s what I want in my life: only love.

    Thank you for writing such a beautiful piece, and allowing me to heal a bit with you.

    • #4 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on September 24, 2011 - 4:17 am

      “Hearts only know to love”…yes!!! YES!!! So, may we stand aside and open our hearts to love fully, joyfully..even that which mind might not understand, Heart knows how to love. Thank you for sharing a wonderful example..and thank you for *being* a wonderful example of love!
      As you reflect, Ego keeps score..let us release score, let us release the notion of “game” and let us open to love..together..
      Beautiful, Megan..thank you!

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