Welcome to my peace filled space. Thank you for choosing to join me here!
I was recently led to a very fun, inspirational 30 day writing challenge. My mind said: “I do not have time”…but my life affirmation says:
“I have more than enough time to create all that is meaningful to me”.
In honoring this affirmation, I joined the challenge..after reviewing the first two prompts that I missed, I understand that participating will stretch me a bit; lately I am all about stretching.
I dove right into the first prompt which is: “You have just discovered you have 15 minutes to live. Write the story that needs to be written”.
Hmm.. a big, exuberant stretch! Allow expressions to blossom:
There are many times in my life I was told I “wasn’t supposed to be here”…beginning from a very young age when the story goes that if I was a boy my mom would have had an abortion through two years ago when I was diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer and told I wouldn’t live through that season’s holidays. Somewhere in between, I “survived” a dramatic coast guard rescue at sea–my friend and I almost died together– and when my feet finally hit the docks I was told in amazement I shouldn’t be standing and I definitely shouldn’t be *here*..
In many ways, I defy the odds then..
Physical death does not scare me. Emotional death does not scare me. Relational death scares me so I am healing that. Hard to “hold on to someone” when I live mindfully present in the moment..so I am probably not as consistent in my relationships as I should be. (yes, I know be wary of “should”…and of “stories”…but I do find I give one million per cent quality when you are sharing energy with me in that moment..I just cannot guarantee the next moments..and in my experience people tend to like guarantees over quality)…so I “lose” a lot of people.
That’s the introduction. The heart of what I would share in the next few minutes is this:
As an Empath, I See you.
I find it mildly amusing that upon meeting me, your eyes sparkle in recognition but I watch a filter cover your vision, and a barrier slide up to cover your heart. You shake my hand or hug me and exclaim how wonderful the energy is that emanates from me, yet you deflect it almost as readily as you embrace it.
And I want to say I love that freakin smile that lights up your eyes..it’s what warms my heart..whether I’ve met you briefly at the grocery store, or we’ve spent the day exploring, or you are in my personal space..I love that freakin’ mega watt smile that lights up your eyes, lights the world…lights my heart.
Love doesn’t hurt.
People hurt, but love doesn’t. We use filters, put up barriers, push away the very *light* that we yearn for, then we blame the light for the ensuing darkness. It’s not the light. It’s us.
When we are hurt, we don’t have to hang on to it. We may release it and move past it. We may use it to motivate us to amazing things.
We tend to cling to what is comfortable yet no longer fits, because the idea of not knowing often scares us more than the idea of being constricted, limited, squashed..so sometimes when we scan the room we think we are looking at well dressed, happy people..but we Feel the tension of constricted, limited, squashed..and we don’t know what to do with that so we eat, and make jokes, and pretend when inside we are screaming please notice me and love me for who I am.
This is what I shared with my loved ones when I was not supposed to live past the holidays. I love you. You already know that because I show it and tell it when you are with me. God/Universe/Nature loves you..and when I die, please continue to embrace God/Universe/Nature as lovingly and joyfully as you do while I am here. Look to the sky and let it reflect to you, take to the hiking trails and let them guide you, touch the trees smell the flowers breathe in the fresh air and let it nurture you..pray, meditate, love, live, laugh, sing, dance, create..
And for fuck’s sake, I am here* right now*, so let your self love me as I love you..I See you, so instead of wasting energy masking *you*, why not invest energy experiencing and creating together.
(I’m a sailor girl with a sailor girl mouth, so excuse the expression)…
No fear..only love.
Pure genuine, freakin’ rock your world, light your eyes, love..