Self Love Series: Brick Walls, Butterflies, and 4 Essential Tips to Self-Love!

Hello.  Welcome to my peace filled place! 

My article today is inspired by my friend Nadia who wrote an honest piece that I think you should check out What to do When the Universe Hands You a Brick Wall.  The title alone describes a feeling that I have heard has settled among us in the past few weeks..slammed, exhausted, discouraged..a few adjectives to describe what some clients and friends have reported feeling lately.  So, Nadia’s title intrigued me, and her article touches on some issues I think we’ve all felt. 

My answer to her was: I might decorate the wall, then get a racket, gather some friends, and play against it for a while.  In general, that is my Truth.  However, there are some days that I put aside my butterflies and glitter and say F*** It..I stomp my feet, have a titanic sized tantrum, close the door to my v-berth and refuse to come out.  (There are some days I choose to gently cocoon in my v-berth–that is far different!).  Since I believe my thoughts create my moments, I try to keep these thoughts to a minimum, because quite frankly I believe if I sit in a thought as potent as f*** that sh**..I better have a raincoat and boots on because lots of f****n sh** is heading my way!

I choose to apply my butterflies and glitter to the Universe’ wall– to any feeling of “less than”– because I know that I create my moments and I want my moments to be as magical as possible.  I choose to invest my energy in healthy, whole, nutrition for my mind/body/soul/spirit because I want my mind/body/soul/spirit to be at optimal working condition.  I Know when I compromise..and let’s face it sometimes compromise is mighty tempting..I will be rewarded with *Compromise* Bold, Capital, Underlined.  Just as confidently as I Know when I choose healthy, whole, nutritious..when I choose to open my heart to love regardless of external…I will be rewarded with Amazing, Beyond What I Can Imagine!  I choose Amazing, Beyond What I Can Imagine!

In my life, I embrace ease free, struggle free, unfolding.  I want to live “the best life possible”.  This often requires a bit of work on my part.  Part of my peace is from a practice of yoga, long beach walks, journal writing, making daily time to create.  There are days I do not want to practice yoga, or walk or journal or create..and some days I honor that..however, most days I work through it because I know the reward is awesome.  Most days I am on the yoga mat, at the beach, pen and notepad in hand, rescheduling something frivolous so that I may create.  What I focus my energy on grows, so I focus on “butterflies and glitter”. 

When a person approaches me for guidance, they often want to hear that the Answer is external.  It is not.  I will use myself as an example…when I am stuck, discouraged, frustrated, hurt, “less than peace filled”…the Answer is within me.  Each and every time.  I cannot change you, and fixing an external piece is akin to applying a band-aid to an open gaping wound.   I can only look within *me* and sometimes the Answer requires some work on my part that I do not want to do.  If I do not address it, it does not go away, it sits and grows and becomes even more irritating.  Of I bury the Answer, it is still there, only now it’s buried under layers so will require more work when I choose to focus on it. 

My solution in my own life is preventative.  If  I invest my energy in self-love, by opening my heart to *me* and allowing my light to shine, dreaming, manifesting, doing the daily work of maintenance, growing, healing, living…there are minimal “less than” days…

I recruited a guest author, Baker,  to share more about this with you.  I met Baker and found his website through Facebook, his energy is amazing, and the tips that he shares here are practical and do-able. 

The 4 Essential Tips To Self Love

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

-Oscar Wilde quotes

You must love yourself before you love another.  By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.  Self love is all about putting yourself first, because by taking good care of yourself, you are in a much better position to love others and be of real service. There are four specific things I do to show appreciation for myself.

Below are the top 4 things I do to show appreciation for me, that lead me to a healthy and sincere space of self-love.  

  1. Meditation: I make a daily practice to meditate each morning. I simply close my eyes, clear my thoughts and sit there in silence. Meditation is probably one of the most effective ways to show love to yourself, because you are taking time out in meditation to connect back to your core, and by connecting to this core you become more balanced and grounded.


     2.   Walking in Nature: Sometimes when I walk in nature it is the most liberating and     peaceful feeling I can ever imagine. The reason is because it is proven scientifically that nature Herself has healing properties. So breathing in the fresh air when you are in nature as you walk a nice walk can truly revitalize your core energy. Indeed walking in nature is a very serene and peaceful time for you not only to connect back with nature, but also connect back with yourself.

     3.  Eating Healthy and Nourishing Food: When I am eating healthy foods that means I am taking good care of myself. This means I care enough about my physical health and well being to only digest food that is good and pleasing to my body. As people begin to become more health conscious they begin to see that eating healthy food as a way of life is indeed a key factor in their overall self-love and self respect.

        4.  Adequate Rest:  Sleep is highly underrated. For our bodies to feel healthy, revitalized adequate amounts of rest is essential. I take a nice 1 hr nap each afternoon after I get most of my writing done. Adequate rest and taking a break from time to time, means you are respecting yourself enough to say you deserve a good rest. This allows you to be more balanced, and revitalized when you need to be productive.  Self love begins with knowing when to take a break from your busy activities. A good rest during the day is essential to taking care of yourself, and loving yourself fully.

Baker’s Bio: Baker is a 26 year old full time blogger that inspires and empowers people to live their dreams from the inside out at Baker’s World Blog. He is also the author of the e-book Baker’s Secret Recipe for Success.

Thank you, Baker, for some easy self-love tips. And thank you, dear reader, for sharing energy in this space today.  May I ask, what is your #1 self-love tip? 

Much peace,


  1. #1 by Mandy Allen on January 23, 2011 - 5:02 pm

    A great list, Joy. I believe in all of those, just don’t always make time for them. Time to take your advice…

    Enjoy the journey.


    • #2 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 24, 2011 - 11:44 am

      Hi Mandy,
      Thank you for your comment! I understand time constraints. I also know that when I am at optimal health, all that I share and create naturally follows…Please be loving, gentle, and kind with your self. We are taught to be other centered, so to love self requires an Awareness that may be foreign and uncomfortable at first. Each gift of love will Feel very right as you are in the experience.

  2. #3 by Dandy on January 23, 2011 - 8:07 pm

    A lovely list of self-love! The most loving thing I do for myself is positive self-talk. From here all other good things begin. Thanks for this article. It’s important for people to know that it is good to love themselves!

    • #4 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 24, 2011 - 11:46 am

      Hi Dandy,
      Thank you!
      Positive self talk is a wonderful resource. I use affirmations in the form of cards, phrases, and vision boards. You are absolutely correct to share that from your choice of positive, more positive flows..naturally and ease filled!
      I think it is not only good to practice self-love, but also imperative so that when we create and share we are creating and sharing our absolute best..As we tend to our garden, we enrich the World atmosphere.

  3. #5 by Sibyl - alternaview on January 23, 2011 - 10:34 pm

    Joy: What a great post. I really appreciated what you said about the answer being within. So often, our immediate reaction is to look at the external circumstances and what we can move around. However, the reality is that the best place for us to go is within. Thank you for the pointer in the right direction.

    • #6 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 24, 2011 - 11:52 am

      Hi Sibyl,
      I find I cannot control external, I can only control internal and my perspective of external. I also find if my internal is ‘set’– for example, my energy is pure and my vibrational level is high..then even if external is less than, it does not affect me. And, if my energy is pure and my vibrational level high, I attract to my self that which is pure and enriching.
      Often, we want the Answer to be external because it seems “easier” to move something out there, than in here…it’s easier to place “blame” than to be accountable. I am Aware if I am in a less than moment, it is because I have compromised along the way, and attracted less than to my self. When I open my heart to fully love my self…I am less likely to compromise..and more likely to effortlessly invest my energy in healthy choices.

  4. #7 by Rand on January 24, 2011 - 12:48 pm

    Wow Joy!

    All those “f”…. words!

    You could make for a good stagehand…speaking of which it is 3:56 a.m. and I just got home from striking ‘Almost Normal’ at our Balboa Theater. The out was not that bad… we thought it would be a killer, but what the hell we used a few “f’s” anyways!

    You must of been refering to me about the “exhausted” thing. Yes I did use the word and I was exhausted. But it is a good kind of exhausted being it comes from productive work and I get paid well for it. I am centered and accepting of this because I walked by all the homeless on the sidewalk after work laying in their sleeping bags. I count my blessings.

    Well I do eat a healthy diet overall, but I got to let you know right now I have this half eaten fresh and still warm cinnimon roll that I bought only 30 minutes ago! YUMMIE! The glass of milk goes just right with it…going to take a bite…emm…umm…that was good.

    Nice to hear you like long beach walks. If today ends up like yesterday (Santa Ana) I will go and pump some ghost shrimp and do some surf fishing. I explained to Dandy how I fish with lite tackle in surf. I go out about chest high and throw my line out about another 25 feet then go back to shallow water. I keep the tip up high and stay in front of my line as the current brings it along the shoreline. I catch and release sand sharks, leopard sharks, shovelnose sharks, corbina, spotfin and yellowfin croker, bared and walleye perch. The cool water is really great on my sore muscles from work.

    The fishing is very “spiritual” and I do meditate on my beach towel. I fish in the evening…and you know how beautiful our sunsets are. The dolphin outside the surf or even surfing the waves are an added gift.

    Sleep is really important but right at this moment forget it. Stagehand work calls for heighten senses and it is physical. When I get off work at this hour I can’t get to sleep. Once I do go to sleep I won’t get up until maybe 11:00 or 12:00p.m. We don’t always work these hours (thank God).

    You know this is really a happy early morning to be doing this and to see some of my favorite people up above me. I’ll end right here so I can read their comments…then I’ll get a second glass of milk and go to bed.

    See Ya

    • #8 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 25, 2011 - 8:34 pm

      Hi Rand,
      Sometimes “f” is the best adjective..and I am a sailor girl at heart:)
      The kind of exhausted I meant was the bone tired, wiped out, feel like you just want to quit kind..I understand *your exhausted*..I work graveyard weekends so my body does get tired; however, I also make sure all around me is good energy so that my energy level remains the same regardless of my work shift.
      Thank you for pointing out perspective and how it changes your mindset.
      And thank you for sharing about surf fishing. My children love to fish off of the dock when we are in the slip, or the boat out at the ocean..but many times on the beach there are surf fishers. Our sunsets *are* amazing, and I’m glad you take the time to view them. I do believe each interaction with and within nature refreshes, rejuvenates, recharges our essence/spirit/souls…even then remembering those times tends to have a calming affect.

  5. #9 by Aileen on January 24, 2011 - 7:12 pm

    Joy, I so love your honesty! It’s true, bad moments happen but like you say keep them to a minimum because our thoughts and feelings create our reality. You said it brilliantly, ” Since I believe my thoughts create my moments, I try to keep these thoughts to a minimum, because quite frankly I believe if I sit in a thought as potent as f*** that sh**..I better have a raincoat and boots on because lots of f****n sh** is heading my way!”

    “invest my energy in self-love” – brilliant Joy!!!!

    I like the addition of Bakers words and his top 4 ways of appreciating self. Mine are similar walking, mediation, yummy good food – and this one is isn’t similar 🙂 moisturizing my skin with jojoba oil

    Thank you for this awesome post!

    • #10 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 26, 2011 - 1:38 am

      Hi Aileen,
      Thank you for your comment and kind words!
      Perhaps the best gift I have given my self recently is to surround my self with like minded people, even as I revel in the joy of my established connections..Like minded means I may explore energy even further in a comfortable, safe environment. There is so much to experiment, learn, open my mind to..
      As I read your comment I think I should love some jojoba oil..sounds luxurious..and your skin is radiant, which I always believed came from following your heart and realizing your dreams..but now I see is due in part to loving your self..fabulous:)
      So, instead of rain coats, let’s hand out moisturizer *grin*

  6. #11 by clarbojahn on January 25, 2011 - 2:40 am

    After reading some of the books i’ve read this past year one can only be responsible for ‘Now’ and try to live in the ‘Now’. And a believe like you, that we create our present with our thoughts and attitude. Love begets more love. Great post

    • #12 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 26, 2011 - 1:40 am

      Hi clarbojahn,
      Welcome to my blog. Thank you for your comment!
      I would like to ask, which of the books that you’ve read has resonated most with you?
      “Love begets more love”…YES! Let’s radiate love, receive love..and create from this foundation:)

  7. #13 by Alice on January 25, 2011 - 4:14 pm

    What stood in the way of self-love for me a long time was, that I didn’t even know how important it was. Now, after that realization I’m much closer to loving myself. What’s helping me is this:

    – Take time for yourself
    Whether you meditate or do something you very much enjoy, everything you do for yourself (and not for somebody else, for a result or for being productive) will help to get more self-love into your every day life

    – Go with your inspirations
    That means go for what your true self wants at the moment. That’s one of the most enjoayble ways to love yourself actively.

    – Release negative feeling
    When you’re “new” to self-love, a lot of old negative energy might come up in your body; don’t force it out but let it go when it naturally arises; allow yourself to be who you really are (you are not some kind of emotion or thought – so you can let go all of them)

    • #14 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 28, 2011 - 2:21 am

      Hi Alice,
      Welcome to my blog:)
      Thank you for your comment–such wisdom in it!
      You mention “important” which truly means that which I choose to focus my energy on. If what I focus on grows, then I am choosing to *grow*.
      Thank you for sharing the ways in which you express self-love!

  8. #15 by on January 26, 2011 - 11:56 pm

    Hey Joy,
    Nice post! You are walking your talk with butterflys, glitter and an occasional f word. I love it. Enjoy your sunset tonight. Oh and I love Baker’s tips. I would add laughing at my self.

    • #16 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 28, 2011 - 2:23 am

      Hi Tess,
      Thank you! I’ve been enjoying the sunsets every night..very glad to have them!
      Laughing is essential to me..and laughing at my self is something I have the opportunity to do quite often..I share my stories with others and preface it with: “If it wasn’t me it would be much funnier, but it was me and it’s still hysterical”..Laughing at my self allows me to try new and different..knowing I will either “succeed” or have an amazing story to delight my friends with:)

  9. #17 by Galen Pearl on January 27, 2011 - 5:24 am

    Great post. What is my #1 tip? Take a bubble bath! I have run into a brick wall this week, and that is the first thing I did. The second thing I did was recognize that I did not know whether the wall was good or bad. “Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Once I dropped the story I was spinning and just sat with what was, without judgment, things felt better. Of course I was smelling good and all soft and silky from the bubble bath. That helped a lot!

    • #18 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 28, 2011 - 2:27 am

      Hi Galen Pearl,
      Thank you for visiting!
      I *love* your #1 tip..and it is the one thing I miss about land..the ability to take a bath. A long, luxurious, hot bubble bath with tea and a book. So, please, enjoy your bath!
      You’ve reminded me, my ex-neighbor is English and he always recommended tea. I would come over with my latest story, and before he’d let me start he would make tea..a pleasure I’ve made my own:)
      I do agree with you, it is the time to calm and access your heart space rather than the tea or luxurious bath…although pampering is an overall delight.

  10. #19 by Davina Haisell on January 27, 2011 - 7:23 am

    Hi Joy.

    Practicable and doable make a good combination — why make it hard on yourself? That is one way to show appreciation for yourself 🙂

    Joy, when I read “Since I believe my thoughts create my moments, I try to keep these thoughts to a minimum…” I imagined myself resisting certain perceived negative thoughts and suddenly received a really neat notion:

    Perhaps those thoughts are knocking, wanting to be let in so you can transform them. I’m going to consider this the next time I recognize that I’m resisting something. Thanks for opening the door for that train of thought.

    BTW it’s been a while since I’ve been here — I love what you’ve done with your blog. Looks fabulous.

    • #20 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 28, 2011 - 2:31 am

      Hi Davina,
      Thank you for visiting..I am glad you like my new space:)
      Thank you for sharing your insight! I love transformation..the whole butterflies and glitter, apply love and magic and delight in the result!
      I don’t resist thoughts..I allow them to pass right through..I do find thoughts are like labels and tend to affect my choices, so I try to live allowing my senses to lead rather than my mind.
      Since you mentioned resisting, in my life if I am resisting, it is often the *very thing* that is best for me..and my reluctance reminds me to embrace fear while adding huge dollops of faith to the moment.

  11. #21 by Evita on January 28, 2011 - 12:46 am

    Hi Joy,

    First off, I love, love, love the look and feel of your new site! Wow, and more wow!!! It is so professional looking and so well laid out and organized.

    And wow, I never thought I would see the day where the butterflies and glitter were put to the side. As you said in a comment above, you are a sailor girl at heart, but the Joy I have come to know is still a sweet, gentle fairy to me 🙂 This does not mean you cannot express whatever aspect you would like. You can be it all and I will still love you unconditionally 🙂

    This was a great post Joy and I really enjoyed Baker’s addition. The 4 tips were so right on with what I consider essential to my life and make part of each day. Well, all three… the meditation is finally becoming a daily habit (I am doing a 21 day meditation challenge care of the Chopra center) Loving it and loving myself!

    • #22 by unfoldingyourpathtojoy on January 28, 2011 - 2:34 am

      Hi Evita,
      Thank *you*! The butterflies and glitter are still within, without..all around…I was going to tell you I cannot drop my essence, but Truth is, they are all labels which allow us to connect, yes, but also can be limiting to our choices…
      At this stage of my journey, while on land for many months I find that I’ve forgotten, or maybe taken for granted, the navigational skills I use at sea. It is amazing to tap into them and allow them to guide me in all areas.
      Congratulations on the meditaton journey..I am interested/excited to see where it leads for you!

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