Self-Love series: You Matter!


Welcome to my peace filled place.  Welcome to our January exploration of self-love! 

My intent for the year 2011 is to Embrace Simplicity.  This intent has already proven to be life changing for me.  To best find clarity within this intent, I put my Being into a self guided retreat around my work schedule.  This retreat involves scaling my daily life down to the basics.  For me, the basics are: long, lazy afternoons/evening with my children; daily time to journal and read; yoga, meditation, long beach walks; whole, fresh food choices; daily time to view the sunrise/sunset/moon and stars; daily laughter, creativity, and gratitude.  Space, time, energy for an abundance of: music, candles, heart expressions. 

What I have noticed is that in the past few months I have felt overwhelmed by amazing good as well as pressure to “keep up”.  I am creating a life for my children and I; while I find great contentment and fulfillment within creating, during these past few months I would often end each day exhausted and spent.  I believe life is meant to be savored and enjoyed and a day well lived leaves me with overflowing gratitude and love.  So, “exhausted and spent” is my clue to apply love.  In this case to pour abundant self-love in. 

The first few days of my retreat have been very refreshing and full of insights.  I see that I allowed my time to fill with clutter: external ‘shoulds’ and obligations, investing energy in less than positive interactions, responsibility…I felt I had “no time” so let the things that bring me pleasure fall to the wayside.  I choose what I invest my energy in, I choose how to create my I’m glad to re-align my external choices with my internal values.

An example of self-love. 

After recognizing these insights, as a treat I took my self on a date day.  I thrive in the midst of people; I love relating and sharing energy and creativity.  I also realize the importance of a day for my self— not just a regular day full of chores and responsibilities– but a ‘date day’ full of magic and delight.  A day that I may be creative if I choose, but one that is spent focusing energy on all that makes my heart happy.  For me, the activities change, but the tone of the day is consistently relaxed, easy, care free.  In the past, I would take my self on a date day about once every two weeks; however upon reflection, I see it has been months since I’ve done so. 

I thoroughly enjoyed my date day: a leisurely morning at the local bookstore lounging, browsing, catching up online.  I then went to a movie that was intense and amazing for me.  Then had quality time with my children, a lovely dinner, time to read and relax.  Perfect!

Self guided date days are important to me, even with numerous friends, even with a love in my life to take me on dates…because it is me getting to know my self and showering my self with delight and joy.  I learn how to be comfortable with my self, laugh with my self, enjoy life with my self.  This learning enables me to share most freely with you when you are in my life.  And this space allows me to experience great clarity within, and to use that clarity for direction and learning. 

A bonus: I found a treat that I am delighted to share with you: an amazing online treat, the dessert to my date day!  The link says it all: I Am Enough.  Absolutely.  Always.  When you follow this link, you will be delighted by numerous stories that will allow you to think about your own life and how you are always enough..exactly as you are, exactly where you are..

I ask you to think about your own self-care regime.  How do you feel at the end of each day?  If you were to date your self, what would you choose to do?  Do you think a date day would feel comfortable or foreign to you?  And, most importantly, do you know how to “treat” your self..what delights you, brings that sparkle to your eye, the radiance to your smile, the joy to your heart?

I would like you to look to someone close to you, perhaps hold their hand and look into their eyes and say: “You matter.  Thank you for all that you share with me.”  Then may you look into the mirror, look into your own eyes, and say : “You matter.  Thank *you* for all that you share with me.” 

This is how love affairs begin..a heartfelt sharing of gratitude, love, joy.  This is the day we begin a love affair with our self..a life time of love!

You matter.  Absolutely.  Thank *you* for all that you share with me.  You inspire me greatly.  I love you. 

Much peace,


  1. #1 by Neva Flores on January 13, 2011 - 12:58 pm

    What a wonderful post!

  2. #2 by Evelyn Lim on January 13, 2011 - 1:44 pm

    I have been experiencing more fulfilling days ever since I learned how to love myself. Previously tied to my computer and work, I now know that I can do without being online for days or weeks even. If I need the time for self care, I would take it. Oh yes, I matter!

  3. #3 by Zeenat on January 13, 2011 - 2:35 pm

    Darling Joy,
    Just today I was thinking about this very love affair..and how like you…I have been feeling spent lately. My self retreat isn’t happening as often I would like…but that is now changing as I am now changing my priorities. Focusing on the fulfilling and contentment part…rather than just the creating 🙂 Its working magic….
    Thank you for reminding me oh so gently with your glorious words.
    Love you so much,
    p.s. I just started skyping 🙂 Have sent you a request. Incase you didn’t get it…my user name is zeenatsyal . Lets talk talk talk…. 🙂

  4. #4 by Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord on January 13, 2011 - 4:50 pm

    Joy, this is one of the best things I’ve read all day. The idea of delighting myself, taking myself on a regular “date,” is something I’ve read about before, and thought, “Oh, I do that. My whole life is that!” Yet when you mentioned not doing errands, and not doing anything that I don’t absolutely love, it gave me pause.

    I believe I shall try this, and add it to the manifestation I’ve been working on of being totally and completely in-love with myself. YES! Brilliant – thank you!

    There is no romance greater or more relevant than the one we have with ourselves.

  5. #5 by Peggy Nolan on January 13, 2011 - 6:23 pm

    This month on my radio show, the theme is Be Yourself. I’ve had two guests already advocate taking yourself on a date. I learned of this when I worked through Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way.” I enjoy dates with myself. And one of my favorite places to go for quiet inspiration is the McAuliffe-Shepard Discovery Center and Planetarium. I love it there.


  6. #6 by The Exception on January 13, 2011 - 8:04 pm

    Joy –
    It is wonderful that you give such days to yourself. I give hours to myself – and that is enough. I am not sure, at all, what I would do with a whole day though I have a feeling I would enjoy it. I suppose we have to give ourselves what we can and appreciate it!

  7. #7 by Hilary on January 17, 2011 - 4:49 pm

    Hi Joy.. written or posted at least on my birthday .. so thank you – self-love matters .. I know & I don’t get much of it .. but my Mum gets her fare share and that’s what counts for now & I keep myself ticking over! I totally appreciate what you’re doing for your kids and yourself .. keeping the positive light shining .. and enjoying life with them .. and the amount of dawns and starry nights you see amaze me!

    Have a great year and keep writing lovely heart welling posts .. cheers Hilary

  8. #8 by Evita on January 17, 2011 - 7:24 pm

    Dear Joy

    You have such a way of experiencing life to the fullest and a gift for sharing it with others to uplift, inspire and move others to find that same level of joy in their life.

    Thank you dear friend. Here is to wishing you more beauty in your life, more dates, more simplicity and just enough of everything your heart desires!

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