Hi…welcome! I am so glad you stopped by my little spot in the blogging world 🙂
On Monday, I wrote of allowing my children and I to honor our individual interests..Monday Blessing: Favorites…..
Well, soccer season has started in full gear, smack dab in the midst of summer break from school…We have soccer Monday through Thursday and Sunday– each session one and half hours..clear across town…far north of our boat. If I worry about the details, I will think soccer is impossible for my family at this time. So I give the details to the Universe and decide to enjoy the adventure in it. My children *love* soccer so I shall allow for Soccer to fit into our lives.
I am open to pleasant surprises, so I was rewarded with one. There are racquetball courts and a tennis wall near my son’s soccer field. I used to be an avid tennis player and have spent many hours hitting the ball against the wall….So, I brought my racket and a few balls just in case. I also brought a good book and my journal, just in case.
I tend to go around bare foot (of course..you would expect that from me..in the land of butterflies and glitter). However, when we arrived at the field, I got my shoes out of the car and laced them, got my tennis gear and headed over to the courts. My daughter came with me. Such a beautiful afternoon..wispy clouds stretching across the bright blue sky, the sun shining and warm, a gentle breeze..glorious! So, I held the racket in my hand, got out a ball, bounced it a few times..and began my tennis session..
On this day, I broke through a barrier. In such a simple way, I’ve allowed for a shift. I don’t share much about cancer for I don’t like to give it power. This is the first time in months (since my diagnosis last Fall) that I’ve held a racket, or broke a sweat allowing my body to work so hard. First I tentatively swung the racket, gingerly checking to see if I felt any internal tearing…nope..So, I played like that a bit. However..I am most athletic and a few wimpy taps wasn’t quite cutting it for me…So, I swung, I swung hard, and smacked that ball against the wall, dug deep to return it, smacked it against the wall again..Alternated forehand, backhand..grunting, sweating, chasing that ball down..
Out of the blue, this man wearing a t-shirt that said something about pro tennis approached me. He said he was watching and I have quite a swing and he had a few tips for me. I told him I was really just messing around burning energy while my son played soccer. What I wanted to say was..”Dude did you freakin’ see me swing..and return..did you see me run and chase down that crazy ball??? Because Dude, last year at this time I was being diagnosed with stage 3 cancer not knowing if I’d even be here at this time, and now..now I’m playing tennis!!!!”..Since he came out of the blue, I figured he was an Angel, and he already Knew this, so I let him show me some pointers…
I played some more..wonder filled that I still had it. Joy filled that I could play..Then came the emotion..Dang cancer..smack that ball…You have no power over me, look at me now..smack that ball even harder to prove I’m strong..Are you kidding, you actually thought you could defeat me–I’m a Divine Goddess..smack that ball again..I have the power of the Universe on my side…smack…which led to..Dang friend who gets anxious and afraid and texts me mean and ugly things..smack that ball..you have no power over me..I am a Divine Goddess and your words don’t affect me..smack that ball hardest…Dang Fear..Ugly Fear…you build this barrier..smack that ball backhand, chase it down…this huge impenetrable barrier, and you keep people from enjoying the ease of life..smack smack smack..almost couldn’t breathe..
I thought about how a few years ago, when I was going through Separation and Divorce I held it together during the day for my children, then in the evening I would run miles and cry it all out, give it to God. How I took up kickboxing, and I had no idea how to punch even regular let alone the various ways…how I could barely last a few minutes at the bag then I would be exhausted..yet soon as my stamina built I could kick and punch thirty minutes and enjoy it..I gave it to God..my heart might have been broken, but I gave it to God…
I thought about how I landed in an abusive relationship…and I would run miles, had the best abs in town..because each lap was reaffirming my faith, being aware of beauty, giving praise for all around me..so I ran many many laps, even though my spirit was squashed..I ran and gave it to God…I praised…and I grew physically strong..
I thought about how I took an intensive year to heal and grow and learn. To become who I am today. And how directly after doing all that I thought was ‘right’..I was diagnosed with cancer..and it took a lot out of me. Fast forward one year and I have allowed the Fear to transform to Faith so strong, to Love so pure, to Peace so comforting…that I can entertain the thought cancer wasn’t my foe but my friend..
I am *that* woman of one year ago, yet so much more..I have built stamina..and I am not afraid.
That is the barrier I was able to overcome during my session at the courts today…and I very much look forward to my next session..one that is joy filled as I celebrate all that my body *can* do as well as the fire within..
You would think that was the ending..but the true ending is this: After my game I called a friend who I know needed some kindness. During that conversation, I mentioned that I was soaring after my tennis game, after having not played since before my surgery months ago…and this friend basically said that doesn’t seem like a big deal, the festival you attended last week seems better…What??? So, I made the choice to end the conversation right then and there..because my friends support and encourage me, not shoot me down..And guess what? The woman of even one month ago didn’t have the strength or stamina to *do that*…may we stand together in the place of peace…
You are loved beyond measure exactly where you are, for exactly who you are in this moment.. Please celebrate that love…
May I ask, what barrier stands in your way that you may joy fully knock down? take a few swings with me..
And if I may serve you in any way, please let me know..it is my pleasure to watch as you soar:)
This month of August, my heart overflows with gratitude, love, peace. To joyfully celebrate this abundance, I am sharing my gift of clarity with All who wish to soar with me..For more information, please click here…Joyfully Sharing Clarity in August. Please feel free to share this gift with your Loved Ones..